The Ramblings from a long day

its funny looking at who you are.
this person you never see.
who can never talk back to you.
you only hear that person.
she him or her in pictures.
in video you see and hear them move.
discuss. argue. love.
but you can never directly do that with them.
this emobodiment of oneself.
the solid character of your thinking mind, acting being.
its scary to think that your mind has a body.
it controls something.
it is something but it can never interact with it as another being.
the idea terrifies me.
if i could interact with myself.
i am scared to.
would i be someone i would like?
would we get along.
or would we argue.
maybe we wouldnt even talk.
would we fall in love with each other.
should we not?
are you not looking for the perfect connection when searching for a partner?
or do differences matter. is that what attracts one to another.
the differences in similarities.
similar interestes but not exact.
those differneces create new pathways for conversation.
interaction.
expression.
but if too differnt.
then no realation at all.
no roads to those places were collaboration exsists.
but the assumption is that all beings search for a connection on a mental plane.
there is the possibility that people look for a physical connection only.
keeping the mental plane to themselves.
or to others. where their "lover" is out of the picture.
so where does that leave love?
can love be a physical manifestation? is it a mental/psychological one?
or is it a mixture of both?
can some only express in one way?
and others in both?
are there more ways?
spiritual...

to think that love is a chemical reaction in your brain.
maybe there are those who are addicted to it.
always floating from one partner to another as their love for someone dies over time.
then there are those who find someone and it is always there.
continuously exploding with love in their minds.
there are those who cannot contain it for one person.
but for many.
if not all.
there are those you cannot attain it.
always searching.
wishing.
endlessly.
there are those who dont want it.
but cant help it.
are a victim to it.
some things you just cant hide from.
especially when it is in your head.

funny how when you fall in love it hurts like someone just shot you.
but when you fall out of love it can come in many ways.
as a surprise.
as a shock.
or some just never even realize it.
maybe some dont even know they are in love.
maybe some dont even know what love is.

but then there are different levels of love.
those for your friends.
those for the world.
materialistic goods.
characters in books.
actors.
famous people in history.
music.
art.
animals.
your work.

do they all have the same magnitude?
are they even in the same playing field.
maybe they all play the same game but at different stadiums.
getting together at the same "love pub" at the end of the day to discuss their turmoils.

do we have a finite capability to love.
only 100 units to be spread across your system.
each area having a dynamic demand.
how do you feed all areas.
do you allow some to be cut off.
thinking that others will flourish.
maybe be more patient and they are understanding that time is limited and certain areas should be focused on at certain times.
or is it unlimited and you have infinite capability to love everything as much as the other.
maybe we are all different.

i think if i sat down with myself i would try to talk about this.
see if we feel in love.
or argued over our lover that we would have to share.
i would win.
or would i win.
maybe it would be a tie.
i know i would.